Liar
by The Qilin
Summary: [ot3: Allen/Kanda/Lavi] NSFW; oneshot, complete. Being drunk leads to interesting ideas.


_Characters: Lavi/Kanda/Allen_

_Warnings: Drunken threesome sex. Slight bondage. I don't win points for original plots…_

_Author's Notes: This is a combination of two requests. One wanted Lavi/Kanda/Allen, with the kinks up to me. The other one was sort of late but because of weird timing there is this combination. They wanted uke!Allen. Now, I'm terrible at uke!Allen. In fact, I sort of dislike set seme/uke roles because I feel like they're extremely switchable roles. Allen? Definitely both. He's a devil at cards and I think he plays to advantages. Whatever it takes to win, even if it means pretending to lose some in order to gain greater._

_The only thing I didn't follow in the request was double penetration because I think I'm pretty awful at writing it…and because I did it in a previous OT3 request. Change of pace. Double penetration I can now say is not really a kink of mine, but I'll write it because it doesn't exactly turn me off. So, sorry—no DP. Maybe next time I'll feel up to it._

_So, uke-ish Allen, but with a twist. Definitely more of a PWP. Hope you enjoy it._

* * *

**_Liar_**

Kanda is singing.

Or at least, he's trying to. Lavi is on the floor, holding his stomach and attempting to laugh and breathe. Allen's face is red from the effort of NOT laughing and he's biting a knuckle while tears are in his eyes.

Actually, Kanda doesn't have a bad voice. Far from it—it's just that he doesn't remember the words, and every time he messes up, he swears. Moreover, this song has five verses and he is only on verse two.

If you haven't guessed it yet, they've been drinking. Shot glasses litter the table and floor. Some sort of vacation and Komui kicked them out to keep them away from his Lenalee. So they're in a sort of questionable hotel in Germany, where Lavi bought a bottle of scotch and dared Kanda and Allen to do shots.

Who won? No one remembers anymore. They're all sloshed and that's why Kanda is singing.

…except he just tripped over his own feet and fallen. "_Fuck_."

"Yu," Lavi wheezes, crawling over to him. "You've said 'fuck' at least fifty times already."

"Don't care."

"Mhm. Doesn't seem like it."

"I'll fuck everything if I want to…no, wait." Kanda rolls onto his back, scrunching his face. "I'll _say_ fuck to everything if I want."

"Either one works fine~" Lavi flops his head onto Kanda's chest.

"Get your mind out of the gutter."

"But it's comfyyyy."

"…the gutter?"

"No, you."

"I told you—"

"You, the pronoun. But you are Yu, too…"

"Shut _up._" Kanda thunks the back of head against the floor, and shoves Lavi off. "Too hot," he mumbles.

"Then take your shirt off."

"Don't wanna." Oh dear, he's slurring.

"But you said it's hot!"

"Don't touch me."

"But see, my hands are cold." Lavi bumps his head against Kanda's side, and shoves his hands up underneath Kanda's shirt. "I'm not lying!"

"Idiot, I told you not to touch me."

"But I like touching you…"

"Tch."

Allen watches them with half-closed eyes, chin on the table and arms slack. For once, he and Kanda aren't going at it. As he watches Lavi play with Kanda's hair and then Lavi's hair gets yanked, it's rather ridiculous and that's probably what he and Kanda look like.

Lenalee really needs to be here. They did stupid things without her around…

Such as Lavi sitting on Kanda and finally yanking his shirt off. Kanda doesn't really seem to be protesting all that much; his face is flushed and as much as he is cursing, he seems relieved he no longer has a shirt.

"Isn't that better, Yu?"

"At least make it fair."

"All right, all right." Lavi pulls his own shirt over his head, and then flips his hair out of his face. "Better?"

"Now get off me."

"Whhhhhy."

"'Cause I said so, rabbit." Kanda shoves the redhead, who doesn't budge. Lavi's taller and heavier than him. Under normal circumstances, Lavi would already be kicked halfway across the room, but these aren't normal circumstances at all.

They're drunk. _Very_ drunk. And with some minds in the gutter and still others slowly being yanked in that direction.

Lavi scoots a little lower, dragging his fingers with him. "What if I don't want to?"

"Then I'll make sure you're damn uncomfortable tomorrow morning."

"Oooh~" He rolls his hips. "Are you sure it's me and not you?"

"No _shit_."

Lavi's hand wanders to rest against a hipbone. "Still sure?"

Kanda snorts, and then he suddenly reaches for Lavi.

"Wait!" Lavi bats him away. "How about we mess with the beansprout instead? He's been too comfortable, sitting there watch us."

Allen sputters. "Hey, I'm just—"

"Doesn't he, Yu?"

"…"

"oh fuck," Allen breathes out, and then he shoots out of his seat. But drunk or not drunk, Kanda can still move quite fast when he wants to, and he has Allen pinned down.

"Let go of me, you stupid sword-swinging—"

"Just be quiet, beansprout."

"I don't want to be!"

"You're going to have to!"

Allen struggles and manages to punch Kanda in the shoulder. "Or else?"

"Or else Lavi's going to—"

"To what? I th—"

Lavi grips his chin and kisses him. There, silence. Allen even stops moving as his eyes widen.

"Mhm, you taste better than usual. I think the alcohol brings something out." The redhead curls a lip. "Makes me wonder how the rest of you tastes."

"Is that an offer?"

"Yeah, why not." Lavi tugs at the collar of his shirt. "Only if you want."

Allen hesitates for only a second before he smirks. "It'll make Kanda jealous."

"Like hell if I'm going to sit back and, and—" Kanda blinks. "And just watch the two of you."

It takes a moment of effort to not laugh; Allen coughs and Lavi clears his throat. Kanda usually does not have a problem with words. To see him forget how to talk is truly a rare sight.

"…jealous?"

"No! It's just not fair if it's…only two."

"Will you stop complaining if I said I'll suck you off?"

As a matter of fact, yes. This must be one of the few times Kanda is agreeable. He even agrees to suck Lavi off. This isn't too hard to manuever, even while they're falling over each other. Allen pulls his pants down, and Lavi and Kanda follow likewise. When Lavi closes his mouth over him he sighs and bucks his hips a little. With his hands he tugs Kanda towards him until he can reach Kanda's cock, and then Kanda finds Lavi.

"Hm."

"What?"

"You _do_ taste better."

Allen rolls his eyes. "Kanda doesn't."

"What is that supposed to—" he cuts himself off when Allen squeezes his erection.

"You're not going to last long, Kanda~"

"Tch."

"Is this a contest?"

"Hah, maybe."

Lavi cheats by rubbing his fingers against Allen's entrance, but Allen knows things with his tongue that makes Kanda jerk and squirm, and even moan. Lavi has to put his knees together as the vibrations travel through him.

Allen tucks a finger against a testicle, gently scraping his fingernail against the skin. He feels Kanda's body tense, and then his mouth is filled with come that he swallows.

"You—" Kanda pulls away, eyes dark. "Fucking beansprout!"

"I warned you!" Allen puts a hand up. "Said you wouldn't last long."

Kanda's fingers twitch; drunk or no, he looks as if he might reach for his sword.

"Seriously?" Allen nudges Lavi away, and strips off his clothing. He yanks Kanda by the hair, and then kisses him, so abruptly that their teeth bump against each other, and he tastes blood from his lip. Kanda reacts by digging fingernails into his neck and shoving a knee between Allen's legs.

"I won't kill if you if you let me fuck you senseless."

"Don't you have to recover?"

"Tch." He shakes his bangs out of his eyes. "Doesn't mean I can't have my way with you."

"I'd prefer it on the bed, at least."

So Kanda throws him across the bed.

"Yu, at least make sure he doesn't hit his head…"

"M'fine, Lavi." Allen sits up, and smiles in that way that makes Lavi's knees weak. "Kanda's aim is terrible right now."

Kanda staggers over to the bed, yanking his belt off. "Really?" He snags a pair of wrists, one pale and one dark, and with a few clicks, has Allen tied to the bedpost. "Something about my aim?"

"Okay." Allen yanks a little at the belt. "Point taken. Now what?"

"How about I take over?" Lavi flops down on the bed. "Until—" he gestures. "You get that back up."

Allen wisely keeps from laughing. There's only so much you can tease Kanda before he snaps. Lavi sheds his pants and goes hunting in his suitcase for the bottle they're all familiar with.

"I'll have him begging and saying your name in no time, Yu~"

"Don't call me that, you stupid rabbit."

Lavi merely grins cheekily. "Just watch."

Allen's hands curl as Lavi resumes sucking on him, only this time with the insertion of a finger. He sighs, legs spreading. Lavi's as good as his word, tongue teasing over the glans of his cock, with just the slight pressure of teeth. Fingers stroke his base, and still other fingers find his prostate and slowly tease at him until he's restlessly shifting his legs.

"Feel good?"

"Like you need to ask?" Allen licks his lips and swallows. Sweat beads his face and body; Lavi leans upward to suck a nipple before running his tongue down the expanse of chest, abdomen, and groin. "Aaah," he sighs out.

The redhead has three fingers in hm. "You liked that."

"What about you?"

"What about me?"

"Aren't you awfully stiff?"

Lavi smirks. "Are you offering?"

"I think—" Allen's breathing hitches as one finger presses against the area between his entrance and balls. "I think you're so hard, I could get you off by just licking. No sucking."

"Shall we test it out? Kanda's getting antsy over there."

"Only if he's ready."

"Tch." Kanda shoves Lavi to the side. "Don't scream, Beansprout."

"As if." Allen sucks in his breath. "You just _wish_."

Kanda thrusts hard against him; Allen merely bites down on his lip, but doesn't make much sound. Lavi did a good job at preparing.

"How's that?"

"How about you _move_ before I think about anything else?"

The dark-haired exorcist does just that. He grips Allen's hips and pumps himself back and forth. Lavi straddles Allen's chest, cock glistening.

"I'm not too heavy, am I?"

Allen shakes his head. "I'd complain if you were. Now—get over here."

Lavi inches himself forward, and the white-haired exorcist trails his tongue down the side of his length. Lavi shuts his eyes and leans his head back as he forces himself not to move.

Allen is having a hard time not moving as well; Kanda set a hard, fast pace that leave him breathless and his toes curling. Allen squeezes his entrance, and catches Kanda's startled glance.

Oh yes, he can do that. Tonguing Lavi, with Kanda inside of him, he's far from helpless. Even though he makes his pleasure know with soft gasps and bound like this, he messing with him. Kanda thrusts faster, hitting that spot inside Allen over and over. But it's Lavi who comes first this time, stuttering Allen's name as his come splashes over Allen's face and drips down his chin. He manages to roll off before his head hits the head, utterly spent. Allen's next, his back arching as he cries out and climaxes. His shuddering sets off Kanda, who moans and bucks his hips erratically until he's spilled himself fully.

It's Lavi who remembers to untie Allen. The other murmurs a thanks and then rubs a hand over his face.

"…oh, sorry."

"Don't worry. There's worse things." Allen dips a finger into his mouth. "…still better than Kanda."

"Shut up."

"You want to go another round?"

"Do you?"

"Seriously?" Lavi yanks a pillow and puts it over his head. "I'm…gone…"

Kanda manages to glare at Allen even as he tangles his fingers messily into his hair. "Next time."

Allen flips him off before he lies on his back, and closes his eyes. Only after he's sure they're all asleep does he slip out into the bathroom. He turns the stoppers for the shower, and then collapses in a fit of laughter, half-smothering himself with the effort.

One: Allen Walker is actually not drunk tonight.

Two: Allen Walker does not like to get drunk. While Kanda and Lavi egged each other one, he pretended to take as many shots as they did. Sleight of hand is child's play to him. He only had three shots. Not nearly enough to make him drunk.

Three: curiosity got the best of him. He wanted to see what they'd be like without inhabitations. Sure, it got slightly rougher than he'd expected, but hearing Kanda moan like that and Lavi whimpering—he has all the blackmail he'd want for a while. Also Kanda singing-he'd made sure Timcanpy got all of that down. Maybe he'd broadcast it, maybe he'd save it. Either way, he's spend a very, _very_ productive evening.

He steps in the shower and breathes in the warm air, still shaking from laughter. Hell, he's going to be so damn sore tomorrow, but sometimes it pays to be an awesome liar. Even the fingernail marks and the split lip—it was worth it.

* * *

_Author's Notes: Don't mess with Allen. Just. Don't. He won't lie back and think of England. He'll conquer your ass._


End file.
